Agamenon: É uma cag&ˆ%$#*ada só!

Que o brasileiro só faz me%ˆ&*rda, todo mundo já sabe. O que ninguém imaginava é que não vai poder mais fazer me$%ˆ&rda todo dia. Quem desrespeitar a lei vai ter o intestino preso.

O presidente Jair Cocôssauro , para preservar o meio ambiente , decretou uma medida supositória determinando que cada brasileiro só pode fazer o número 2 dia sim, dia não. Já é um avanço. Se o presidente, que faz mer$#%ˆ&*da todo santo dia, der o exemplo, o Brasil já vai melhorar 50%. E é bom Jair se limpando.

O problema é que se faz tanta mer$%ˆˆ&*da neste país que se coloca em risco o equilíbrio ecológico da humanidade. Desesperados com o mau cheiro da bosta brasileira, todos os países do mundo, da Alemanha à Zâmbia, fazem um apelo desesperado: brasileiros, parem de fazer mer$%ˆ&*da porque desse jeito vocês vão acabar com o planeta!!!

Depois de ameaças de embargos econômicos, inclusive com a proibição de importar papel higiênico, o governo brasileiro vai ter que tomar providências: mandar o o filho “número 2” para a embaixada de Washington no lugar do Zero 3.

Defecar vai ser regulamentado em peso, forma, medida e consistência. Só vai poder ser mole, duro ou pastoso. Novos impostos e tributos serão estabelecidos. Vai ser criado um novo ICMS (Imposto de Cocô e Merda Social), de caráter municipal; a CPMF (Contribuição Por Meio de Fezes), estadual; e o IRPF (Imposto de Renda Pessoa Fecal), de natureza federal.

O cagão, ou cagona, vai ter preencher uma declaração anual com a quantidade e a origem natureza do cocô produzido (fonte cagadora) e mandar para o site da Receita Fecal. Toda declaração vai ser examinada devidamente por um fiscal federal de mer%ˆ&*da. Atenção: vai ter concurso público para a função, é bom Jair estudando a matéria.

Como vai ter muita “sonecagação”, o governo vai ter que privatizar a mer&*ˆ%$da toda. Vão contratar várias empreiteiras, como a Merdas Jr., a Queiroz Cagão e a Camargo Cocôrrea para fazer um enema geral no país. O problema é que os empresários vão superfaturar a concorrência flatulenta que vai acabar em uma nova operação da PF: a lavagem-jato.

Por falar em escândalo, o STF (Supremo Tribunal Fecal), cujos ministros passam o dia todo brigando entre si e com o resto do Brasil, não necessariamente nesta ordem, quer garantir o direito dos seus membros continuarem a fazer mer$%ˆ&da à vontade sem ter de prestar contas a ninguém.

Por motivos óbvios, o ministro Barroso está impedido de votar nesta matéria. O mesmo se pode dizer do ministro Gilmar Merdes e Marcocô Aurélio de Mello. Aliás, Gilmar é a maior autoridade em jurisprudência laxativa, aquela que solta todo mundo.

Agamenon Mendes Pedreira é jornalista especializado em matérias fecais

PF suspeita que invasão do hacker a mensagens de jornalistas da Crusoé tenha sido bancada por interessados em minar a Lava Jato. Confira agora

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  1. Ppaulo disse:

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    1. RXUgYWNoZWkhIEFs6W0gZGUgZW5ncmHnYWRvLCBtb3N0cmEgYSByZWFsaWRhZGUgcXVlIG8gQnJhc2lsIGVzdOEgcGFzc2FuZG8sIGVucXVhbnRvIG11aXRvcyB0cmFiYWxoYW0gYXBvaWFuZG8gbyBnb3Zlcm5vLCBvIHBy83ByaW8gZ292ZXJubyBuYSBmaWd1cmEgZGUgc2V1IHJlcHJlc2VudGFudGUgbWFpb3Igc2UgYXV0byBzYWJvdGEh

Ler comentários
  1. WWilson disse:

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  2. EEduardo disse:

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  3. OOlga disse:

    Q2FyYW1iYSBBbnRhZ29uaXN0YSwgdmNzIHBlcmRlcmFtIHVtIGJvbSB0ZW1wbyBwdWJsaWNhbmRvIGVzc2FzID8/Pz8/Pz8gcXVlIGVzc2Ugc3VqZWl0byBDQT8/PyQlIyZAR09VIHBlbGEgYm9jYSAuIFBlbG8gbWVub3MgbyBQcmVzaWRlbnRlIGZhbG91IHVtYSB2ZXJkYWRlISBBZ2FtZW5vbiDpICBkZSBxdWFsIGdhbOF4aWE/TGl4bw==

  4. CCarlos disse:

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    1. VGIgYWNoZWkgdW0gaHVtb3IgZnJhcXXtc3NpbW8gZSBkZSBtYXUgZ29zdG8uCkVzc2UgQWdhbWVub24gbGF0aXUsIHZvbWl0b3Ugb3UgdXJyb3U/IA==

  5. CCarlos disse:

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  6. MMiguel disse:

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  7. CCarlos disse:

    RHIgTWFkdXJlaXJhLCBo4SBzZWlzIG1lc2VzIHZvY+ogY2hlZ291IGFvIGZ1bmRvIGRvIHBv528uIEFnb3JhIHBlbG8gdmlzdG8gcmVzb2x2ZXUgZXNjYXZhciBtYWlzIGZ1bmRvIGFpbmRhLiBUb21hcmEgYSB0ZW50YXRpdmEgZGUgcmVzc3VzY2l0YXIgb3Mgdm929HMgY2Fzc2V0YXMgcG9zc2Egc2FsduEtbG8gZGEgZGVwcmVzc+NvLiA=

  8. CCarlos disse:

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  9. Jose disse:

    TWhlcmRhIHRvZG8gbXVuZG8gZmF6IGUgYWxndW1hcyBjaGVpcmFtIG11aXRvIG1hbCwgYWdvcmEgbm9zc28gcHJlc2lkZW50ZSBlc3ThIHF1ZXJlbmRvIGdhbmhhciBkYSBEaWxtYSwg6SBtb2xlIC4uLi4uLi4uLi4uLi4uLi4uIHBlbG8gYW5kYXIgZGEgY2FycnVhZ2VtLCB2YWkgZ2FuaHJhci4=

  10. disse:

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    1. Q29udGludWUga2tra2thbmRvIGVucXVhbnRvIGtrb21lIG1lcmRhLg==

    2. S2tra2sgdm9j6iBu428g6SBodW1vcmlzdGEgZW50428gcGFyYSBkZSBmYWxhciBtZXJkQC4gVGFsa2V5

  11. Romino disse:

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    1. SXNzby4gQ29udGludWUgcmluZG8gZW5xdWFudG8gY29tZSBtZXJkYS4=

  12. Luiz disse:

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    1. THVpeiwgbyBNYWR1cmVpcmEgZXN04SBkZXByaW1pZG8gZGV2aWRvIHN1YXMgaWRhcyBhbyBvc3RyYWNpc21vLiBQZWxvIG1lbm9zIGVsZSBhaW5kYSBhaW5kYSBlc2NyZXZlLCBhcGVzYXIgZGUgZXhjcmVtZW50b3MgY29tbyBlc3NlIC5TZSBlbGUgcGFyYXIgZGUgdGVudGFyIGFwYXJlY2VyIGVsZSBpcuEgImRlc2FwYXJlY2VyLXNlIi4=

    2. Q29uY29yZG8uIFBhcmVjZSBjb252ZXJzYSBkZSBDcmlhbudhIGRlIDcgYW5vcy4=

  13. Pedro disse:

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    1. ZSBkbyBEaWFzcmVpYSBMdWZ0YWxmZm9saSwgYW1pZ28gZG8gc2VtaS1zb2x0byCjdaOlbmE/pW8uICAkJCQkJCQkJCQkJCQkJCQkJA==

  14. OLSim disse:

    UGFsaGHnYWRhIGVzdGUgcG9zdC4uLiBu428gY29uc2VndWkgYSBhY2hhciBuZW5odW1hIGdyYedhLi4u

  15. Nestor disse:

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  16. Snow disse:

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    1. RSBqdW50byBjb20gcmVpIGRvcyB0dWNhbm9zIDogTWFyY28gQW509G5pbyB2aWw=

    2. QSBCYW5kZWlyYW50ZXMgdG9ybm91LXNlIGEgbGF0cmluYSBkb3MgbWlkaeF0aWNvcyBicmFzaWxlaXJvcyA=

    3. IiJOb3ZvIElDTVMgKCBJbXBvc3RvIGRlIENvLkP0IGUgTSBlcmRhIFNvY2lhbC4iIg==

  17. Almanakut disse:

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    1. IiIiIEphaXIgQ29j9HNzYXVybyIiIiBRdWVpcm96IENhZ+NvIiIgQ29tbyBlc3NlIGNhcmEgZmFsYSBhc3NpbSBkbyBOb3NzbyBQcmVzaWRlbnRlPz8iIiI=

    1. IiJNdWl0byBCb20hISIiIEphaXIgQ29j9HNzYXVybyIiIiBRdWVpcm96IENhZ+NvIiIgZSBwb3IgYe0gdmFpISEhIiIi

  18. Marcela disse:

    TXVpdG8gYm9tLiBT8yByaW5kbyBwYXJhIGFndWVudGFyIG8gbWF1IGNoZWlybyBkZXN0YXMgbWVyZGlkYXMu

  19. eduardo disse:

    SmEgZm9pIGJlbSBtZWxob3IgbyBtYWR1cmVpcmEuIEVzdGEgYmVtIGRlY2FkZW50ZSBhZ29yYSwgQSBwZXNzb2EgdGVtIHF1ZSB0ZXIgbyBkaXNjZXJuaW1lbnRvIHBhcmEgdmVyIHF1ZSBuYW8gZXN0YSBtYWlzIGFncmFkYW5kbw==

  20. Izaias disse:

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    1. UmFwYXosIGFwcmVuZGEgYSB0ZXIgdW0gcG91Y28gZGUgc2Vuc28gZGUgaHVtb3Iu

    2. IiJFU1NBIOkgQm9hIiIiICIiSmFpciBDb2P0c3NhdXJvIiIsIFF1ZWlyb3ogQ2Fn428iIiBNdWl0byBMZWdhbCIiIiA=

  21. Samuel disse:

    RW5ncmHnYWRvLCBvcyBBbnRhcyBmaWNhbSBjZW5zdXJhbmRvIHFxIG0mcmRhIHEgc2UgZXNjcmV2ZSBlLCBlbSBjb250cmFwYXJ0aWRhIHB1YmxpY2EgdW0gdHJlbSBpbnRlaXJvIGRlIGNvaGP0IQ==

  22. Antonio disse:

    TuNvIHBvZGVtb3MgY29tIGVsZXMgbWFzLCBncmHnYXMgYW8gQWdhbWVub24sIG7zcyBwb2RlbW9zIGRhciBtdWl0YXMgcmlzYWRhcyBkZWxlcy4gRXN0b3UgdmluZ2FkbyEhISE=

    1. Q2FybG9zIFNhbjogcGFyYSB0ZXIgY29uc2Np6m5jaWEgZSBwb3NpY2lvbmFtZW50byBwb2ztdGljbyBu428gcHJlY2lzYSBwZXJkZXIgbyBzZW5zbyBkZSBodW1vci4gQWxp4XMsIGdlbnRlIHF1ZSBu428gc2FiZSByaXIgLSB0aXBvIHZvY+ogLSDpIG11aXRvIGNoYXRhLCBpbmRlcGVuZGVudGUgc2Ug6SBkZSBlc3F1ZXJkYSBvdSBkZSBk

    2. yiBpc3NvIGHtLCB2aW5nYWRvci4gQ29udGludWUgcmluZG8gZSBjb21lbmRvIG1lcmRhLiA=

  23. Alex disse:

    SXNzbyBlcmEgcHJhIHJpciA/ICBRdWUgdGlwbyBkZSB0ZXh0byDpIGVzc2UgPyBRdWUgYmFpeGFyaWEsIGpvcm5hbGlzbW8gZGUgcG9ydGEgZGUgYmFuaGVpcm8uLi4uIA==

    1. RGlzY29yZG8uIENvbSBlc3NhIGhhYmlsaWRhZGUgbGl0ZXLhcmlhIG8gTWFkdXJlaXJhIGRldmUgc2VyIGluY2x17WRvIG5hIEFjYWTpbWljYSBCcmFzaWxlaXJhIGRlIExldHJhcy4gySBtdWl0YSBzZW5zaWJpbGlkYWRlLCBzdXRpbGV6YSBlIGludGVsaWfqbmNpYSByZXVuaWRhcy4gVW1hIGdyYW5kZXphIO1tcGFyLiA=

    2. Y29uY29yZG8sIGJhaXhhcmlhIHRlbmFuZG8gc2VyIGVuZ3Jh52Fkby4gSG9ycu12ZWw=

  24. Mineirissimo disse:

    QnJhc2lsIGFjaW1hIGRlIHR1ZG8sIENvY/Rzc2F1cm8gYWNpbWEgZGUgdG9kb3MuIEJlbSwgYXNzaW0g6SBtdWl0YSBtJnJkQCBtZXNtby4gTWVsaG9yIOkgbyBDb2P0c3NhdXJvIGFiYWl4byBkZSB0b2Rvcy4=

  25. #AntaPresa disse:

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  26. Dafas disse:

    VW1hIHBpYWRhIGRvIFByZXNpZGVudGUgaW5mbHVlbmNpYSBtYWlzIGRvIHF1ZSB0b2RhIHZpZGEgcHJvZmlzc2lvbmFsIGRvcyBBbnRhcyBkZXN0ZSBzaXRlIGUgZGVzdGUgam9ybmFsaXhvLiBJbXByZXNzaW9uYW50ZSBhIGltcG9ydOJuY2lhIGRhcyBwaWFkYXMgZG8gUHJlc2lkZW50ZS4gUGFyYWLpbnMgQm9sc29uYXJvISBHb3N0ZWkh

  27. Annibal disse:

    TWFkdXJlaXJhLCBvIHNldSBQU0RCIGVzdOEgZmVjaGFuZG8gY29tIG8gRnJvdGEuIFThIGZlbGl6LHRhID8=

    1. U2VwYXJlIG8gcG9s7XRpY28gTWFkdXJlaXJhIGRvIGNvbWVkaWFudGUgTWFkdXJlaXJhLiBFdSBhY2hvIGVsZSBtdWl0byBib20gY29tbyBodW1vcmlzdGEgbWFzIG7jbyBjb25jb3JkbyBjb20gdG9kYXMgYXMgcG9zaef1ZXMgcG9s7XRpY2FzIGRlbGUu

  28. alfredo disse:

    YXRlbufjby4gcHJlY2lzYW1vcyBq4SBjb21l52FyIGEganVudGFyIGRpbmhlaXJvIHBhcmEgcGFnYXIgYWR2b2dhZG9zIHBhcmEgZGVmZW5kZXIgbyBobWVub24gZG8gY2VydG8gcHJvY2Vzc28gcXVlIG9zICA0IGRvIHN0ZiAsZ2FyYW50aXN0YXMgZGEgaW1wdW5pZGFkZSxtb3ZlcuNvLmF2aXNlbSBxdWUg6SB1bWEgZmFyc2EsY29tbyBlbGU=

  29. Deivid disse:

    UXVlbSBkaXJpYSBxdWUgbyBKQiBpcmlhIGdhbmhhciBkYSBEaWxtYSEgSkIgc2V1IG0uLi4=

  30. Achille disse:

    TXVpdG8gYm9tIG8gTWFyY2VsbyBNYWR1cnJlaXJhIGNvbSBvIHNldSBBZ2FtZW5vbiA=

  31. Annibal disse:

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  32. Renato disse:

    RmljbyBlc3BhbnRhZG8gbyBxdWFudG8gdW1hIHJlc3Bvc3RhIGly9G5pY2EgaW5jb21vZGEgdGFudG8gYSBxdWVtIG7jbyBzZSBpbmNvbW9kb3UgbmFkYSBwb3Igc2VyIG11aXRvIHJvdWJhZG8gbm9zIPpsdGltb3MgMTYgYW5vcy4uLg==

  33. Edigar disse:

    RXUgbWUgcGVyZ3VudG8sIGNvbW8gdW0gc2VyIGRlc3RlIHNlIGRpeiBxdWUgdGVtIGludGVsaWfqbmNpYSwgZSBjb21vIG8gYW50YXMgZGEgbW9yYWwgZW0gcHVibGljYXIgdW1hIHBhdGlmYXJpYSBkZXNzYXM/IFThIGNhZGEgdmV6IHBpb3IgZXNzZXMgdmXtY3Vsb3MgZGUgKGRlcykgImluZm9ybWHn9WVzIi4gRnVp

    1. RSBldSByZXNwb25kbyBhb3MgZG9pczogdm9j6nMgc+NvIGRvaXMgY29pdGFkb3MgcXVlIG7jbyBzYWJlbSByaXIuIEUgbGVtYnJvIHF1ZSBib20gaHVtb3IgbuNvIHRlbSBwYXJ0aWRvIHBvbO10aWNvLg==

    2. RXUgcG9zc28gcmVzcG9uZGVyOiB2b2PqIGVzdOEgbm8gQnJhc2lsLiBWZWphIG9zIGNvbWVudOFyaW9zIGVsb2dpb3NvcyBhIGVzc2UgZXhjcmVtZW50by5QdWJsaWNhciB1bSB0ZXh0byBlcXVpdmFsZSBhIGRhciBjYXJuaedhIOAgaGllbmFzIHNvcnJpZGVudGVzLiA=

  34. Monica disse:

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  35. Francisco disse:

    RXUgauEgZXN0b3Ugc2VndWluZG8gYSByaXNjYSBvIHF1ZSBvIG1ldSBwcmVzaWRlbnRlIHBlZGl1LiBEaWEgc2ltLCBkaWEgbuNvLiBWb2PqcyBuZW0gaW1hZ2luYW0gbyB0YW50byBxdWUgauEgZWNvbm9taXplaSBjb20g4Wd1YSBkYSBTYWJlc3AuIE1ldSBwcmVzaWRlbnRlIOkgdW0gZ+puaW8h

  36. José disse:

    QmFpeG91IG8gZXNwaXJpdG8gZGEgIGFudGEgbm8gQm9sc29uYXJvLiA=

  37. VITOR disse:

    RXhjZWxlbnRlISEgRGVpIGJvYXMgcmlzYWRhcyBhcXVpIGxlbmRvIGVzc2UgdGV4dG8uIEV1IGrhIGltYWdpbmF2YSBxdWUgYSB0dXJtYSBkbyBBZ2FtZW5vbiBu428gaWEgZGVpeGFyIHBhc3NhciBlc3NhIGhpc3TzcmlhIGRvICJuby4gMiIgZG8gcHJlc2lkZW50ZS4gRXN0YXZhIHBlZGluZG8gcC8gZmF6ZXIgcGlhZGEh

  38. .......99%loaded█ disse:

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    1. OTklIGxvYWRlZCB3aXRoIHNoaXQuIFN0aWxsIDElIHRvIGdvLg==

  39. Marcelo disse:

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